“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?” — Stephen Levine
Sure, your relationship started out fantastic — think back to that first date, the electricity of meeting someone new, the fire in your eyes.
Everything seemed easy and natural, you should be completely ecstatic about this relationship, right?
If things between you and your lover have started to cool off or you just don’t “feel” as happy as you used to, it may be time to give your partner notice that you’re moving on.
If it isn’t quite time to make that drastic of a change, maybe a series of smaller changes would help steer you and your lover back to Paradise.
If you’re not sure, check for the following six signs to determine if your relationship is completely over.
1. Feeling distant?
It is a terrible feeling — do you sometimes feel like you and your partner are so far apart that you can’t possibly communicate across the divide?
If you feel like there’s a chasm between the two of you, something is definitely wrong. Just like we take a look at how our body is feeling to determine if we’re sick, these kinds of feelings in a relationship mean that something is missing.
Maybe there was a time when the two of you could talk without opening your mouths, but now one of you just isn’t communicating, visually or otherwise.
Maybe you don’t feel like communicating to your partner at all, or that it is a “sure thing” that the two of you will be doing the same old thing tonight.
You can give yourself a mental workout trying to figure out where the distance comes from, but sometimes people create this distance when they “check out” of a relationship. Makes it easier for them to say goodbye when the inevitable happens.
2. Who Moved My Warm Fuzzy Feelings?
Think about your lover. Did something change in your body? Did you smile? Did you wiggle in your chair?
If you didn’t, your relationship is in dutch. There was a time when every thought of your lover made you melt into the floor. If the only thoughts you have about this person now are thoughts of frustration or sadness, this one may already be out the door.
3. No More Sex
If you can’t remember the last time you and your partner had a romp in the sack together, or if you aren’t even interested in remembering, this is the surest sign of all that your relationship is over.
Look, every relationship goes through dry spells or slow periods of lovemaking, but it is that complete lack of desire or eagerness to make love that points out how poorly your partnership is going.
4. Fighting All the Time
I’ll be the first person to admit that couples fight from time to time. A few fights here and there is healthy.
If you and your lover have kept the neighbors up for days from your bickering, or if you’ve been ignoring each other or making jabs at each other for days on end, you two have simply been fighting way too much. If couples didn’t fight, they’d never really learn about one another.
It is when you spend more time fighting than not fighting that a problem arises. This is a dangerous sign, as it simply means that you don’t like each other all that much.
Put simply, if neither one of you wants to work on your fighting, the only other way to end the yelling and name-calling is to end the relationship itself.
5. Hate, Hate, Hate
Is hate all around you? Do you two find yourselves picking on one another’s taste in music, food, friends, pretty much everything?
If a person is annoying you in every way — the way they pour a glass of water, the way they sound in the shower, etc — you’ve got some serious work to do if you want to stay in a relationship with them.
The other thing to consider — maybe that person really is this annoying, or maybe you are. Either way, staying in a relationship with someone you hate, or who hates you, is less healthy than getting out of it. So get out of there.
6. Scared About the Future
There was a time when the two of you loved nothing more than planning time together. Picnics on the weekend, summer vacations, even shopping trips were fun events worth spending time together.
Now, your partner asks about a trip to Mexico this summer and you completely ignore it. Or maybe you hint that you should go see your lover’s family this Spring Break, and nothing more is ever said. Bad sign.
If this is happening, don’t jump to the conclusion that your relationship is doomed. Talking can help. But if you or your partner are unwilling to make firm plans with each other, it means that one or both of you are worried that you won’t be together when it is time for that plan to be executed.
If the two of you can’t imagine a fun future vacation together, how can you be planning a relationship that could end in having kids together or even marriage?
None of these six signs are sure signs that your relationship can not be saved. Having said that, if you’re have been noticing that most of these signs sound like you, it may be time to to take complete stock of what the two of you are really sharing.
It is up to the two people in the relationship to decide if the pairing is worthwhile or not, so (even though it is a cliche) now is the time to really “listen to your heart”. While I wouldn’t advise you ignore the signs completely, I suggest you talk to your partner before deciding you are Splitsville.